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Joke Crazy: Play On Words

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Actual Signs
Play On Words In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, April 21 @ 01:09:40 CDT (2025 reads)
(Read More... | 1488 bytes more | Score: 0)

Barbeque Zone
Play On Words A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together.

As the wife was bending over pulling weeds the husband said, "Hey honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now."

The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, December 11 @ 00:27:14 CST (2328 reads)
(Read More... | 1050 bytes more | Score: 3)

Damn Spam from Hell
Play On Words "I am DAMNED, DAMNED-I-Am."

"I do not like that DAMNED-I-Am."

"Do you like porn and scam SPAM?"

"I do not like porn and scam SPAM, DAMNED I Am."

"Would you want it on your Palm? Would you send it to your mom?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, May 01 @ 03:12:05 CDT (2772 reads)
(Read More... | 1415 bytes more | Score: 0)

LACTOMANGULATION
Play On Words Manhandling the "open here" spout on amilk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, April 05 @ 07:44:37 CDT (1989 reads)
(Read More... | Score: 1)

Who Needs Glasses
Play On Words My face in the mirror
Isn't wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty.
The cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely,
And so does my lawn.
I think I might never
Put my glasses back on.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, August 12 @ 01:05:00 CDT (10899 reads)
(Read More... | Score: 4)

A Little Longer
Play On Words When I recently arrived at a very popular restaurant, I was dismayed to find it very crowded. Going up to the hostess I asked, "Will it be long?" Ignoring me, the hostess continued writing in her reservations book.

Thinking she had possibly not heard me the first time, I decided to ask again. "How much time is the wait for a table?"

Looking up from her book, the hostess smiled and said "About ten minutes. We will inform you when your table is ready."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, November 01 @ 00:05:00 CST (10297 reads)
(Read More... | 614 bytes more | Score: 4)

How babies are made
Play On Words A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, November 12 @ 00:44:58 CST (2443 reads)
(Read More... | 336 bytes more | Score: 0)

Video store clerks hear new titles
Play On Words It seems that video store clerks hear a lot of weird titles for movies:
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, July 04 @ 04:45:47 CDT (2023 reads)
(Read More... | 939 bytes more | Score: 2)

Anybody know if Somebody found Nobody?
Play On Words This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, July 25 @ 01:54:12 CDT (4816 reads)
(Read More... | 530 bytes more | Score: 4.5)

There's No Place like Nome
Play On Words Flanman writes "Nome, in NW Alaska on the Bering Sea, is known for fabulous salmon fishing. But it is not well known that the milk from the indigenous Muskox, a large bison-like mammal with wool like sheep, makes equally fabulous butter. Milk from the female Muskox is churned in the Spring of each year and stored in casks in the cool waters of Nome River until Fall.

Melted and mixed with lemon juice, vinegar, seasoning, and egg yokes the result is a salmon sauce beyond comparison.

Families gather for feasting in November and December to relish the traditional salmon dinner topped with this unrivaled condiment."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, October 14 @ 01:05:00 CDT (13155 reads)
(Read More... | 693 bytes more | Score: 4)

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 Today's Big Joke
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 Past Jokes
Monday, March 31
· Definitions of Words by Gender
Thursday, February 06
· Mother Truckers
Tuesday, December 24
· Anagrams
Sunday, September 29
· Combining Corn
Thursday, July 25
· Anybody know if Somebody found Nobody?
Friday, July 19
· Candy Coated
Friday, May 31
· If you have seen one
Saturday, May 25
· The Menopausal Years
Wednesday, May 01
· Damn Spam from Hell
Sunday, April 07
· Ode to the Spell Checker!

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