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Joke Crazy: Medical Jokes

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Perfect Health
Medical Jokes Doctor: "Madame, I'd like to give you a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes."

Patient: "But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, April 06 @ 00:05:00 CST (3002 reads)
(Read More... | 284 bytes more | Score: 4)

Kites for windy days
Medical Jokes Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, April 17 @ 01:07:29 CDT (1902 reads)
(Read More... | 79 bytes more | Score: 1)

Nurse Nancy
Medical Jokes Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.

"She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours, but instead she gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours! He damn near died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours, but instead she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, May 21 @ 01:24:01 CDT (2126 reads)
(Read More... | 766 bytes more | Score: 0)

Half here and Half there
Medical Jokes Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.

Darryl was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said "yes" and the doctor proceeded. "Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, November 27 @ 00:59:28 CST (1601 reads)
(Read More... | 1489 bytes more | Score: 0)

Well, Now That You Mention It
Medical Jokes "Mr. Chilton," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last visit."

"Does that mean I'm cured?" he asked.

"For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, December 03 @ 23:28:02 CST (1542 reads)
(Read More... | 924 bytes more | Score: 0)

Medical Testing Woes
Medical Jokes Tiggs writes "Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.

"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.

"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.

When he heard this, the little boy started to cry."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, December 12 @ 09:33:15 CST (1789 reads)
(Read More... | 430 bytes more | Score: 4)

Exemplary Offspring
Medical Jokes Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach."

"That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to
two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house."

Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, April 05 @ 00:05:00 CST (2955 reads)
(Read More... | 852 bytes more | Score: 4)

Brain Transplant
Medical Jokes In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, February 20 @ 00:05:00 CST (44918 reads)
(Read More... | 1278 bytes more | Score: 3.5)

The Flute
Medical Jokes A guy went out hunting. He had all the gear, the jacket, the boots and the double-barreled shotgun. As he was climbing over a fence, he dropped the gun and it went off, right on his penis. Obviously, he had to see a doctor.

When he woke up from surgery, he found that the doctor had done a marvelous job repairing it. As he got ready to go home, the doctor gave him a business card. "This is my brother's card. I'll make an appointment for you to see him."

The guy says, "Is your brother a doctor?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, November 08 @ 00:05:00 CST (1880 reads)
(Read More... | 640 bytes more | Score: 4)

Cold Cure
Medical Jokes "It's just a cold," the doctor said. "There is no cure, and you'll just have to live with it until it goes away."

"But Doctor," the patient whined, "it's making me so miserable."

The doctor rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. Then he said, "Look, go home and take a hot bath. Then put a bathing suit on and run around the block three or four times."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, September 07 @ 01:05:00 CDT (2570 reads)
(Read More... | 496 bytes more | Score: 0)

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 Today's Big Joke
There isn't a Biggest Story for Today, yet.

 Past Jokes
Sunday, June 29
· The Real Term
Tuesday, May 27
· Famous Heart Specialist
Sunday, May 11
· Breast Cancer Self-Examination
Monday, April 21
· No Cause for Complaint
Monday, April 14
Sunday, April 06
· Perfect Health
Saturday, April 05
· Exemplary Offspring
Friday, March 28
· The Surgery
Monday, March 17
· Acute Angina
Wednesday, January 22
· Actual Proctologist Comments

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