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Joke Crazy: Medical Jokes

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No Cause for Complaint
Medical Jokes As a doctor completed the examination of his ill patient he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," replied the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, April 21 @ 00:05:00 CDT (2690 reads)
(Read More... | Score: 0)

Tough Guy
Medical Jokes I had the toughest time of my life once when I was in school. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from those, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.

I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis and rheumatism. I don't know how I pulled through it.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, September 20 @ 00:05:00 CDT (16595 reads)
(Read More... | 468 bytes more | Score: 3.33)

One for you too
Medical Jokes A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"

She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, May 06 @ 22:15:50 CDT (1777 reads)
(Read More... | 374 bytes more | Score: 0)

The Annual Physical
Medical Jokes The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, March 24 @ 23:19:26 CST (1700 reads)
(Read More... | 600 bytes more | Score: 0)

Hearing for Health
Medical Jokes A 92-year-old man went to the doctor to get his annual physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor called the man on a follow-up and said, "I wanted to stress to you what I told you after your exam last week."

The man replied, "Just doing what you said doctor, 'Get a hot mama and be cheerful'."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, March 05 @ 23:17:27 CST (1528 reads)
(Read More... | 528 bytes more | Score: 0)

Nurse Nancy
Medical Jokes Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.

"She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours, but instead she gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours! He damn near died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours, but instead she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, May 21 @ 00:24:01 CDT (2099 reads)
(Read More... | 766 bytes more | Score: 0)

Doctor Visit
Medical Jokes A woman went to doctors' office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, September 09 @ 00:05:00 CDT (4532 reads)
(Read More... | 643 bytes more | Score: 3.33)

Good News, Good News
Medical Jokes After an extensive battery of tests, a guy meets with his doctor to discuss the results.

"I'm afraid I have two pieces of rather bad news," says the doctor, "First, you have inoperable cancer."

"Oh my god," says the patient, "what's the second piece of bad news?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, July 03 @ 23:59:19 CDT (2058 reads)
(Read More... | 447 bytes more | Score: 1)

Tilting the Back Door
Medical Jokes A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, September 16 @ 00:05:00 CDT (1768 reads)
(Read More... | 813 bytes more | Score: 5)

Breast Cancer Self-Examination
Medical Jokes **BEEP**

You have reached the Breast Cancer Self-Examination Hotline.

Press one to continue.

(pause)
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, May 11 @ 00:05:00 CDT (7486 reads)
(Read More... | 194 bytes more | Score: 1)

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 Past Jokes
Sunday, June 29
· The Real Term
Tuesday, May 27
· Famous Heart Specialist
Sunday, May 11
· Breast Cancer Self-Examination
Monday, April 21
· No Cause for Complaint
Monday, April 14
· OB/GYN
Sunday, April 06
· Perfect Health
Saturday, April 05
· Exemplary Offspring
Friday, March 28
· The Surgery
Monday, March 17
· Acute Angina
Wednesday, January 22
· Actual Proctologist Comments

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