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Joke Crazy: Medical Jokes

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Perfect Health
Medical Jokes Doctor: "Madame, I'd like to give you a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes."

Patient: "But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, April 05 @ 23:05:00 CST (2990 reads)
(Read More... | 284 bytes more | Score: 4)

Effective Cough Remedy
Medical Jokes Craig, the clerk in the small drug store, wasn't much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Joe, the owner, had had enough of his clerk's incompetence and warned Craig that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in, coughing, and asked Craig to find a remedy. Try as he might, Craig simply couldn't find the cough syrup. Remembering Joe's warning, he sold the man a box of laxatives and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as Craig said and left. Joe witnessed the whole transaction and confronted Craig.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, January 02 @ 00:13:01 CST (3198 reads)
(Read More... | 778 bytes more | Score: 2)

Doctored Plumber
Medical Jokes A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber- type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, July 14 @ 00:56:41 CDT (2233 reads)
(Read More... | 378 bytes more | Score: 4)

Medical Jokes A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, December 25 @ 19:38:58 CST (1588 reads)
(Read More... | 450 bytes more | Score: 0)

Heroic behavior
Medical Jokes After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, August 31 @ 03:29:26 CDT (1558 reads)
(Read More... | 478 bytes more | Score: 0)

Holding back the Wolves
Medical Jokes An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month."

Murphy shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, December 21 @ 23:25:15 CST (1713 reads)
(Read More... | 1611 bytes more | Score: 0)

The Therapy Session
Medical Jokes A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, March 14 @ 23:25:28 CST (1699 reads)
(Read More... | 529 bytes more | Score: 0)

Mental Competentcy Procedure
Medical Jokes Joe, Brian, and Phil were all locked away in a mental institution for many many years. One day, the head quack tells them that if they pass a test he wanted to administer to them, they'd be deemed mentally competent and free to leave the nut house. Should they fail, however, they'd be locked away for another five years of observation.

All three took the doc up on his offer. The four of them went to the hospital's indoor pool. The pool was drained of water. The doctor leads the patients up to the diving platform, some 60 feet in the air.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, March 26 @ 23:31:02 CST (2490 reads)
(Read More... | 1346 bytes more | Score: 3)

The Surgery
Medical Jokes Unregistered Guest writes "Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians.
Everything inside them is color-coded.""
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, March 27 @ 23:05:00 CST (2954 reads)
(Read More... | 904 bytes more | Score: 4)

Famous Heart Specialist
Medical Jokes A famous heart specialist died. At his funeral, a coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.

When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, May 27 @ 00:05:00 CDT (3256 reads)
(Read More... | 540 bytes more | Score: 4.5)

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 Today's Big Joke
There isn't a Biggest Story for Today, yet.

 Past Jokes
Sunday, June 29
· The Real Term
Tuesday, May 27
· Famous Heart Specialist
Sunday, May 11
· Breast Cancer Self-Examination
Monday, April 21
· No Cause for Complaint
Monday, April 14
Sunday, April 06
· Perfect Health
Saturday, April 05
· Exemplary Offspring
Friday, March 28
· The Surgery
Monday, March 17
· Acute Angina
Wednesday, January 22
· Actual Proctologist Comments

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