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Joke Crazy: Heaven and Hell

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Infinite Wealth, Wisdom, or Beauty
Heaven and Hell An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, February 02 @ 23:05:00 CST (3403 reads)
(Read More... | 580 bytes more | Score: 1.33)

A Week In Hell
Heaven and Hell A guy died and woke up to find he was in Hell. He was really depressed as he stood in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thought to himself, "I know I led a wild life but I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this."

Looking up he saw that it was his turn to be processed into Hell. With fear and a heavy heart, he walked up to the counselor.

The counselor said, "What's the problem, you look depressed?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, October 25 @ 01:03:15 CDT (1711 reads)
(Read More... | 2211 bytes more | Score: 5)

The Door Stopper
Heaven and Hell Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door
in their faces.

To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open.

She tried again, really put her back into the job, and slammed the door again.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, July 21 @ 00:05:00 CDT (13577 reads)
(Read More... | 787 bytes more | Score: 1.6)

God Plays Golf with the Devil
Heaven and Hell One day, God and the devil decided to play 18 holes of golf. They toss a coin, and the devil tees off with a nice drive.

God tees off with an awful shot into the ruff. A squirrel running along grabs the ball in his mouth and scampers away. As the squirrel is scampering, an eagle comes out of the sky and snatches the squirrel, and flies high into the sky when it is hit by a bolt of lightning, frying it instantly. The golf ball falls to the ground and into the 1st hole.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, October 28 @ 23:47:31 CST (4203 reads)
(Read More... | 572 bytes more | Score: 3.25)

Bill Gates Meets God
Heaven and Hell Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God immediately recognizes him and says to him "Bill Gates -- you're a great man. I shall give you a choice of either heaven or hell."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, April 10 @ 01:18:37 CDT (2408 reads)
(Read More... | 929 bytes more | Score: 2)

The closing
Heaven and Hell Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 7 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband. After the last child is born her second husband also dies.

Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately, she becomes very ill and dies.

At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, "At least, they're finally together."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, May 04 @ 03:27:02 CDT (2863 reads)
(Read More... | 772 bytes more | Score: 5)

Medicinal Milk
Heaven and Hell There once was a 94 year old nun back in the 1890's whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her.

However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, February 24 @ 23:13:31 CST (2090 reads)
(Read More... | 642 bytes more | Score: 3.5)

The next commandment
Heaven and Hell The Sunday School teacher had been helping the children learn about the Ten Commandments. One morning she asked, "Can anyone could recite the next commandment?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, June 18 @ 01:19:07 CDT (1582 reads)
(Read More... | 287 bytes more | Score: 0)

Mozart's Graveyard Music
Heaven and Hell When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, July 09 @ 12:21:28 CDT (3193 reads)
(Read More... | 1049 bytes more | Score: 3.66)

Hell or High Water
Heaven and Hell A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, August 28 @ 00:05:00 CDT (11597 reads)
(Read More... | 363 bytes more | Score: 4)

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 Today's Big Joke
There isn't a Biggest Story for Today, yet.

 Past Jokes
Monday, February 03
· Infinite Wealth, Wisdom, or Beauty
Tuesday, October 29
· God Plays Golf with the Devil
Monday, October 14
· Dog Gone Lies
Monday, July 29
· Split decision
Saturday, July 13
· Costs are High
Tuesday, July 09
· Mozart's Graveyard Music
Saturday, July 06
· The 11th Commandment
Sunday, May 05
· The Key to Heaven
Saturday, May 04
· The closing
Sunday, April 14
· The Train Wreck Experience

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