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Joke Crazy: Computers/Support

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Lost in a Haze
Computers/Support A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, November 02 @ 23:43:00 CST (5519 reads)
(Read More... | 1152 bytes more | Score: 2)

The Joy of Windows
Computers/Support Bill Gates approached a customer and said, "Excuse me. If I made a version of Windows which only crashed once a year, would you buy it?"

The customer's eyes glistened: "Oh, would I!"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, September 13 @ 02:26:43 CDT (5840 reads)
(Read More... | 525 bytes more | Score: 0)

Computer Age Sayings
Computers/Support 1. Home is where you hang your @.
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, April 11 @ 00:51:59 CDT (3705 reads)
(Read More... | 1328 bytes more | Score: 4.5)

Computers vs Cars
Computers/Support For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that gets 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, June 20 @ 00:05:00 CDT (8827 reads)
(Read More... | 2200 bytes more | Score: 5)

Bad Tech Support
Computers/Support 1. Do you have a sledgehammer or brick handy?

2. ... that's right, not even MacGyver could fix it.

3. So -- what are you wearing?

4. Bummer Duuuuuuuude.

5. Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, March 19 @ 23:05:00 CST (80630 reads)
(Read More... | 681 bytes more | Score: 2.4)

Wife 1.0
Computers/Support A software engineer wrote:

Subject: Failed Upgrade
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, August 15 @ 00:50:57 CDT (35538 reads)
(Read More... | 3019 bytes more | Score: 4.65)

Home of the Whopper
Computers/Support A link on MSNBC.COM explained why the "Hire The Mentally Handicapped Program" has taken on such a foothold at
Burger King - Home of the Whopper. The King has teamed up with . . . sigh . . . AOL.

Holy shit. Can you just see it now?

"Hi, this is AOL / Time / Warner / Burger King, how can I help you?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, May 21 @ 00:05:00 CDT (6832 reads)
(Read More... | 1367 bytes more | Score: 0)

Microsoft tech drafted
Computers/Support One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.

The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, April 06 @ 12:10:00 CDT (25743 reads)
(Read More... | 818 bytes more | Score: 3)

Where do you want to be today?
Computers/Support An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage. $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, April 25 @ 15:56:45 CDT (2394 reads)
(Read More... | 2652 bytes more | Score: 0)

Five Reasons Computers are Female
Computers/Support 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, March 16 @ 23:05:00 CST (79515 reads)
(Read More... | 557 bytes more | Score: 4.33)

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 Today's Big Joke
There isn't a Biggest Story for Today, yet.

 Past Jokes
Friday, November 14
· Hi-Tech Pain
Wednesday, July 30
· Dead Serious on Computer Viruses
Friday, June 20
· Computers vs Cars
Wednesday, May 21
· Home of the Whopper
Wednesday, February 05
· Check out AOL's New Offer
Saturday, November 03
· Lost in a Haze
Thursday, September 13
· The Joy of Windows
Sunday, September 02
· Tech support
Wednesday, August 15
· Wife 1.0
Saturday, June 23
· How to Truly Impress A Client

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