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It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, August 01 @ 00:16:04 CDT (892 reads)
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How heavy is your Daily Planner?
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A Russian man saves his rubles for twenty years to buy a new car. After choosing the model and options he wants, he's not the least bit surprised or even concerned to learn that it will take two years for the new car to be delivered. He thanks the salesman and starts to leave, but as he reaches the door he pauses and turns back to the salesman "Do you know which week two years from now the new car will arrive?" he asks.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, September 30 @ 00:05:19 CDT (800 reads)
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** Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
** If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, July 25 @ 08:32:37 CDT (773 reads)
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Three guys enter a special olympics swimming contest. The first one has no arms, the second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash," they're all in the pool.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, September 25 @ 02:04:54 CDT (852 reads)
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One day a platoon of Marines are on patrol when they come upon a Sailor relaxing on top of a small hill.
The Sailor puts his hands on his hips and screams out, "Do any of you seaweed sucking jarheads think you're man
enough to take me on?"
The biggest Marine comes running up the hill, screaming back at the Sailor. When he gets to the top he simply plows into
his foe and the two tumble down the other side of the hill, out of sight.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, April 11 @ 00:12:19 CDT (1405 reads)
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During taxi, the crew of a US AIR departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) screamed, "US Air 2771, whereare you going? I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxiway; you turned right on "Delta. Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!"
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God, you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sortthis out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771?"
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, July 20 @ 07:17:08 CDT (1838 reads)
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For those who thought the hardest part of Physics 101 was the constant conversion from MKS or CGS units to English units, here are some useful English system conversions:
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, September 20 @ 01:29:50 CDT (985 reads)
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A bar had a sign in the window advertising that they needed a Piano Player. A scroungy looking old guy, dressed like a bum, entered the bar and told the bartender he was interested in the job. The bartender wasn't too impressed with his looks, but figured, what the hell, and pointed the old guy to the piano in the corner. The old man sat down and started to play the most beautiful, melodious piece of music the people in the bar had ever heard. All talk stopped during the song, and when he stopped, they all applauded.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, October 30 @ 23:09:13 CST (1223 reads)
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DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: I'm with you honey, those guys are the scum of the earth.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, March 08 @ 23:05:00 CST (10299 reads)
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Signs and billboards found
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Plumbing Truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one Weak."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, May 24 @ 00:22:41 CDT (2324 reads)
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There isn't a Biggest Story for Today, yet. |
| Tuesday, November 19 | | · | Q-tip Quality Control |
| Friday, November 15 | | · | Just Clowning Around |
| Wednesday, September 04 | | · | AOL's Raising Prices |
| Monday, August 19 | | · | Only In America |
| Saturday, July 20 | | · | Airing the Baggage |
| Tuesday, July 02 | | · | Ever Wonder |
| Monday, July 01 | | · | Only in America |
| Sunday, May 26 | | · | Its that Navy Reputation Thing |
| Friday, May 24 | | · | Signs and billboards found |
| Thursday, May 23 | | · | Why did the chicken cross the road? |
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