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Joke Crazy: Lawyer Jokes

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One way trip to Mars
Lawyer Jokes NASA was interviewing professionals they were figuring on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.

"One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all to my alma mater--Rice University."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, April 27 @ 00:07:42 CDT (3417 reads)
(Read More... | 1074 bytes more | Score: 3.4)

Closing Evidence
Lawyer Jokes A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, April 19 @ 02:33:06 CDT (1746 reads)
(Read More... | 1191 bytes more | Score: 0)

Do You Take This...
Lawyer Jokes An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined at court.

"Have you ever been married?" the lawyer thundered at him.

"Yes, sir," replied the witness, his voice barely audible. "Once." "Whom did you marry?"

"Well, a woman."

"Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, November 20 @ 23:05:00 CST (10261 reads)
(Read More... | 413 bytes more | Score: 2.66)

Terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers.
Lawyer Jokes Terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, April 11 @ 00:54:03 CDT (1870 reads)
(Read More... | 163 bytes more | Score: 0)

Time Sharing
Lawyer Jokes A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up the phone and spoke into it.

"I'm sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I'm not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I'll have to get back to you then."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, January 15 @ 23:54:56 CST (3170 reads)
(Read More... | 566 bytes more | Score: 5)

The other good guy
Lawyer Jokes The lady lawyer approached the jury box and began an eloquent plea for her client: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I want to tell you about this man. There's so much to say that is good: he never beat his mother; he was always kind to little children; he never did a dishonest thing in his life; he has always lived by the golden rule; he is a model of everything decent, forthright, and honest. Everyone loves him and. . . "
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, September 21 @ 02:01:55 CDT (2593 reads)
(Read More... | 584 bytes more | Score: 0)

Its Over When I Say Its Over
Lawyer Jokes A secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.

Her boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over.

I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, March 11 @ 23:05:00 CST (12228 reads)
(Read More... | 437 bytes more | Score: 4)

The Lawyer and a Bible
Lawyer Jokes Have you heard about the lawyer on his deathbed?

He called for his wife, and after she arrived he told her to run and get her Bible as soon as possible. So she ran and got her Bible, preparing to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort.

He snatched it from her as soon as she got back though, and began to rapidly thumb through the pages, quickly scanning them as they leafed passed.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, September 15 @ 00:05:00 CDT (11787 reads)
(Read More... | 574 bytes more | Score: 4.66)

Locked for a Reason
Lawyer Jokes A defense attorney is cross-examining a police officer during trial...

ATTORNEY: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

OFFICER: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several
blocks away.

ATTORNEY: Officer, who provided this description?

OFFICER: The officer who responded to the scene.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, January 11 @ 23:05:00 CST (33213 reads)
(Read More... | 1378 bytes more | Score: 3.5)

The Lawyer and the Investment Banker
Lawyer Jokes A lawyer, a fervent Democrat dressed in casual clothes, sits down to have his lunch in a park across from his office.

Then he notices a very distinguished and dignified man sit down a few feet away on the grass; he is extremely well dressed in a tailored Hickey Freeman pinstriped suit, silk tie, starched white shirt, cuff links, tiepin, Rolex, highly polished black wingtips and silk socks. He places his expensive briefcase next to him and prepares for lunch.

“One of those Republicans, I’ll bet” thought the lawyer, and after introducing himself, he found out he is right – not only a Republican, but an investment banker. The lawyer glances at the banker’s shoes, glistening in the sunlight.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, December 10 @ 23:05:00 CST (28256 reads)
(Read More... | 5408 bytes more | Score: 2.51)

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 Today's Big Joke
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 Past Jokes
Wednesday, January 16
· Time Sharing
Monday, January 07
· Is that Three?
Tuesday, January 01
· Legal Butchering
Sunday, December 09
· True Hero
Friday, November 23
· If You Have Jury Duty This Week
Friday, September 21
· The other good guy
Wednesday, July 11
· Johnny appears as a witness
Saturday, July 07
· Typical Laywer
Tuesday, June 26
· Lawyer for hire...
Sunday, April 22
· Postmortem Planning

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