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Joke Crazy: Lawyer Jokes

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Its Over When I Say Its Over
Lawyer Jokes A secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.

Her boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over.

I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, March 11 @ 23:05:00 CST (12349 reads)
(Read More... | 437 bytes more | Score: 4)

One way trip to Mars
Lawyer Jokes NASA was interviewing professionals they were figuring on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.

"One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all to my alma mater--Rice University."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, April 27 @ 00:07:42 CDT (3443 reads)
(Read More... | 1074 bytes more | Score: 3.4)

Postmortem Planning
Lawyer Jokes A dying man gathered his lawyer, doctor and clergyman at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, April 22 @ 00:27:00 CDT (3065 reads)
(Read More... | 1560 bytes more | Score: 0)

Legal Butchering
Lawyer Jokes A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, January 01 @ 00:12:40 CST (3127 reads)
(Read More... | 627 bytes more | Score: 0)

The Lawyer and a Bible
Lawyer Jokes Have you heard about the lawyer on his deathbed?

He called for his wife, and after she arrived he told her to run and get her Bible as soon as possible. So she ran and got her Bible, preparing to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort.

He snatched it from her as soon as she got back though, and began to rapidly thumb through the pages, quickly scanning them as they leafed passed.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, September 15 @ 00:05:00 CDT (11880 reads)
(Read More... | 574 bytes more | Score: 4.66)

Lawyer for hire...
Lawyer Jokes A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. $50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, June 26 @ 01:17:11 CDT (2894 reads)
(Read More... | 229 bytes more | Score: 0)

Terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers.
Lawyer Jokes Terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, April 11 @ 00:54:03 CDT (1905 reads)
(Read More... | 163 bytes more | Score: 0)

The lawyer from Texas
Lawyer Jokes Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?

They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, April 06 @ 08:36:06 CDT (2452 reads)
(Read More... | Score: 0)

Maple Leaf
Lawyer Jokes A little old man was escorted into the witness box. After being sworn in the lawyer asked him to explain what happened. After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident he finally got around to the meat of the case,

"...and then she hit me with a maple leaf."

"Surely that couldn't have caused you any serious injury" said the lawyer.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, March 09 @ 23:05:00 CST (14811 reads)
(Read More... | 484 bytes more | Score: 2.5)

Locked for a Reason
Lawyer Jokes A defense attorney is cross-examining a police officer during trial...

ATTORNEY: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

OFFICER: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several
blocks away.

ATTORNEY: Officer, who provided this description?

OFFICER: The officer who responded to the scene.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, January 11 @ 23:05:00 CST (33323 reads)
(Read More... | 1378 bytes more | Score: 3.5)

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 Today's Big Joke
There isn't a Biggest Story for Today, yet.

 Past Jokes
Wednesday, January 16
· Time Sharing
Monday, January 07
· Is that Three?
Tuesday, January 01
· Legal Butchering
Sunday, December 09
· True Hero
Friday, November 23
· If You Have Jury Duty This Week
Friday, September 21
· The other good guy
Wednesday, July 11
· Johnny appears as a witness
Saturday, July 07
· Typical Laywer
Tuesday, June 26
· Lawyer for hire...
Sunday, April 22
· Postmortem Planning

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