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Redneck Jokes
[ Redneck Jokes ]

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Mother Mouse
Animal Jokes A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush.

She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for its life.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, June 07 @ 00:05:00 CDT (1570 reads)
(Read More... | 381 bytes more | Score: 2.66)

Doctored Plumber
Medical Jokes A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber- type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, July 14 @ 00:56:41 CDT (2206 reads)
(Read More... | 378 bytes more | Score: 4)

Ever Wonder
All Other Jokes Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, July 02 @ 00:26:10 CDT (3422 reads)
(Read More... | 1410 bytes more | Score: 5)

To Long Life
People Jokes A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the very old age of 93.

When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Friday, December 12 @ 23:05:00 CST (1428 reads)
(Read More... | Score: 0)

Oops!
Sports Jokes It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, April 08 @ 10:45:00 CDT (43143 reads)
(Read More... | 1635 bytes more | Score: 4.5)

50/50
People Jokes Tiggs writes "A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, February 22 @ 23:05:00 CST (2343 reads)
(Read More... | 979 bytes more | Score: 1)

Physics 101
All Other Jokes For those who thought the hardest part of Physics 101 was the constant conversion from MKS or CGS units to English units, here are some useful English system conversions:

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, September 20 @ 01:29:50 CDT (1748 reads)
(Read More... | 1858 bytes more | Score: 1)

Mad Cow Disease
People Jokes There was a couple that went to a restaurant to have dinner.

When the waiter came, the husband said: "I'd like to have the veal."

"And what about the mad cow?" asked the waiter.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, August 06 @ 00:29:19 CDT (2323 reads)
(Read More... | 250 bytes more | Score: 1)

Medicinal Milk
Heaven and Hell There once was a 94 year old nun back in the 1890's whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her.

However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, February 24 @ 23:13:31 CST (2052 reads)
(Read More... | 642 bytes more | Score: 3.5)

Bad Tempered Parrot
Animal Jokes Have you heard about the man who owns a parrot that swears like a sailor? This parrot was so terrible, it could swear for five minutes straight without repeating itself. One day the man finally gets tired of this parrot's horrible speech, and decides to do something about it.

He grabs the parrot by the throat, shakes it really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" every time the parrot says something ungodly. But this just makes the parrot mad, and it swears more than ever.

Next the man tried locking the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravated the parrot, and it clawed and scratched furiously until the man finally let him out(upon which the bird released it's fury in a torrent of language so horrible it could never be repeated).
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, December 17 @ 23:05:00 CST (12099 reads)
(Read More... | 1585 bytes more | Score: 4.8)



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Saturday, April 10
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Friday, April 09
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Thursday, April 08
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