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After endless searching, careful consideration, and almost never ceasing debate, The Perfect Man has been found:
- He's tan.
- He's cute.
- He knows the importance of accessorizing.
- And if he looks at another girl you can rearrange his face.
His name?
Mr. Potato Head
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By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked.
"I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game."
"How long could that have taken you?"
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, August 13 @ 00:38:11 CDT (1826 reads)
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Did you hear about the man who was looking for a job? He noticed there was an opening at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he discovered the zoo had a very unusual position that they wanted to fill.
Apparently their gorilla had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days.
He was to just sit, eat, and sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a secret, and no one would be the wiser, thanks to a very fine gorilla suit. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, July 13 @ 01:05:00 CDT (1955 reads)
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What has love got to do with it
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Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"
To truly love another, you must first love yourself. And it wouldn't kill you to wash your hands in between either.
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient. But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, February 04 @ 00:05:00 CST (809 reads)
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A mushroom walks into a bar one evening, sits down, and orders a drink.
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, April 19 @ 03:33:06 CDT (1308 reads)
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The lovers had decided that a mutual parting of the ways was best for both of them. However, on the way to the Airport a rather heated debate started as to whose fault their break-up was.
At the crowded gate, she turned and said, "Thanks for nothing you cheap bastard."
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, April 25 @ 01:58:26 CDT (880 reads)
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A couple I know enjoys getting away from their high-stress jobs in the city by spending a few weekends out camping and relaxing in their motor home.
However, they often found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers. So, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.
Now whenever they set up camp they place this sign on the door of their RV...
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, November 29 @ 00:05:00 CST (1258 reads)
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Quick... before it starts
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A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife,
"Get me a beer before it starts."
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts."
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, March 20 @ 00:12:21 CST (1060 reads)
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One dismal rainy night in Sydney a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
'Where to?' he stammered.
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Tiggs writes "A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name is
Patricia Whack.
'Ms. Whack,' he says, 'I'd like to obtain a loan to buy a boat.'
Patti furrows her brow and asks, 'Well, how much do you want to borrow?'"
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Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, March 02 @ 00:05:00 CST (3453 reads)
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There isn't a Biggest Story for Today, yet. |
| Saturday, April 10 | | · | Football Fans vs. Nuns |
| Friday, April 09 | | · | Diver Meets Guy Underwater |
| Thursday, April 08 | | · | Oops! |
| Wednesday, April 07 | | · | Mr. or Mrs. Computer |
| Tuesday, April 06 | | · | Microsoft tech drafted |
| Monday, April 05 | | · | History of the Internet |
| Sunday, April 04 | | · | Octopus in the bar |
| Saturday, April 03 | | · | Baby Turtle |
| Friday, April 02 | | · | Sweet Tooth |
| Thursday, April 01 | | · | Defensive Driving |
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