Posted on Thursday, September 06 @ 03:00:39 CDT by JokeCrazy
HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE
* Both look stupid in hats.
* Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
* Both tend to have -hip- problems.
* Neither understands football.
* Both look good in a fur coat.
* Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
* Neither believes that silence is golden.
* Both constantly want back rubs.
* Neither can balance a checkbook.
* You can tell what either of them is thinking.
* Both put too much value on kissing.
WHY WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS
* It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with women.
* Women look good in sweaters.
* Women leave the room to make a piggy.
* Though they only have two, women's breasts are far more interesting.
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
* Dogs don't cry.
* Dogs love it when your friends come over.
* Dogs think you sing great.
* A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
* Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
* The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
* Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
* Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
* Dogs are excited by rough play.
* Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
* Dogs understand that farts are funny.
* Dogs love red meat.
* Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
* Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
* Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
* A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
* Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
* Dogs love long car trips.
* Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
* When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
* Dogs like beer.
* It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
* Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
* Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
* Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
* Dogs never want foot-rubs.
* Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
* Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
* Dogs can't talk.
* Dogs seldom outlive you.
* Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster dinner.
* Dogs are ready to go 24 hours a day.
Average Score: 4