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Joke Crazy: Animal Jokes

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Game Warden Duck Testing
Animal Jokes A guy was hunting ducks near where the borders of Tennesee, Alabama and Georgia meet. He had been having a good day and was near his limit when a game warden approached him.

The warden picked up a duck, looked it over, then stuck his finger up the duck's butt. He smelled his finger and said, "That's a Tennesee duck. Do you have a Tennesee hunting license?"

The guy said, "Sure do.", and produced the license.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Tuesday, July 08 @ 00:05:00 CDT (4070 reads)
(Read More... | 1173 bytes more | Score: 4.77)

How's your Arse?
Animal Jokes A sailor had a parrot that was forever saying, "How's your arse?"

Every time he talked, he would say, "How's your arse?"

The sailor told the parrot that he was tired of hearing "How's your arse," and for him to never again say, "How's your arse" again.

About that time a submarine torpedoed the ship and the sailor and the parrot ended up clinging to a piece of driftwood. The parrot looked at the sailor and said, "How's your arse?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, September 13 @ 00:05:00 CDT (6759 reads)
(Read More... | 631 bytes more | Score: 0)

Brids of another Feather
Animal Jokes A guy has a horny parrot. It's terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, and the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.

The vet examines the bird extensively, says, "Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine."

The guy's parrot is listening and says, "Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for?"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, March 02 @ 22:23:05 CST (2507 reads)
(Read More... | 1121 bytes more | Score: 3.16)

Snail buys car
Animal Jokes There was once a snail that was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.

After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
Posted by JokeCrazy on Wednesday, September 12 @ 00:30:14 CDT (3347 reads)
(Read More... | 899 bytes more | Score: 0)

Dogs and the Death Penalty
Animal Jokes Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.

The second dog turned to him and asked, "What are you in here for, buddy?"

The dog looked depressed. "I'm in big trouble," he said. "My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he's having me put to sleep."
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, March 02 @ 23:05:00 CST (1995 reads)
(Read More... | 1310 bytes more | Score: 4.5)

Mans Best Friend
Animal Jokes Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand.... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his
church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Sunday, January 19 @ 23:05:00 CST (2298 reads)
(Read More... | 2649 bytes more | Score: 2)

Leaky Parrot
Animal Jokes Andy, a very innovative plumber, used to take a parrot to work with him. Whenever he saw a wet pipe, he would show it to the parrot and say, "Ya got a leak in your basement." Of course, the parrot caught on quickly and the plumber's clients were always impressed and amused when it was the parrot who would tell them what their problem was.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, November 26 @ 00:37:28 CST (1708 reads)
(Read More... | 630 bytes more | Score: 0)

Cats ARE Better
Animal Jokes Dear Dog,

I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...

Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.
Posted by JokeCrazy on Thursday, January 15 @ 23:05:00 CST (37745 reads)
(Read More... | 446 bytes more | Score: 4.5)

The long short of Vitamin A
Animal Jokes If carrots are so good for your eyes, why are there so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Posted by JokeCrazy on Saturday, June 23 @ 20:21:50 CDT (1466 reads)
(Read More... | Score: 0)

Animal Rights Activist
Animal Jokes "Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.

The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet.

"Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!"
Posted by JokeCrazy on Monday, June 09 @ 00:05:00 CDT (2775 reads)
(Read More... | 680 bytes more | Score: 3)

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 Today's Big Joke
There isn't a Biggest Story for Today, yet.

 Past Jokes
Sunday, October 19
· Positively Negative
Friday, October 17
· Dog Protection
Sunday, October 05
· Cow Scambler
Sunday, September 21
· Bear Fur Coat
Saturday, September 13
· How's your Arse?
Sunday, September 07
· Hair Solution
Thursday, August 14
· Beware of Dog
Thursday, July 17
· Show off... err.. Show Dogs
Sunday, July 13
· Zoo Job - Trading Places
Wednesday, July 09
· Bulldog Life Lessons

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